Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
