So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
