White coat. Heels.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
