it wasn't lemon gatorade
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
