So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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