your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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