The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
