This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
