if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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