I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
