I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
as a side note pls kill me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
