it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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