Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
