I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
