mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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