addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
