I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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