it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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