I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
