I just cut my nipple shaving
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
