I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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