I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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