I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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