bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
