I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
