Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
