"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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