apparently the secret to your success is patron
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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