dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
