please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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