Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
