The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
MIDGETS
????
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
