She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
MIDGETS
????
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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