I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
