I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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