I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
