Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
