Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
