The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
