just come out here and I will go home with you...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
