i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
