Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
