a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
