i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
