just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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