I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
