true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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