u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
