This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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