Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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