if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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