I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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