You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
