how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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