just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
