Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize