it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
