gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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