You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
