I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
