Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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