if i can run in heels then i can drive
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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