SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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