I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
