Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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