I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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