I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
