She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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