just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize