I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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