He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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