how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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