He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
