It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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