pop tarts are not kleenex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
