I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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