omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
